Junior

Houston, TX 1972: Junior was flying high again, Mushmouth Shoutin’ by Z.Z. Top blared from the Mustang’s 8 track tape deck as it roared across three lanes at 75 mph, merging onto I-610 and narrowly missing a Caddy with Bat-mobile fins filled with blue hairs from Beaumont.

The prodigal son was returning from yet another long weekend south of the border. The Bolivian marching powder was kicking in again and the kid was beating the red-eyed monster back with whiskey and beer. Soon he would be back home and he would be able to sleep it off for a few days and to get his system cleaned up just in time to report for guard duty where he would heroically fly a desk for the weekend.

He had been reminiscing about Matamoros where he had spent several days engaged in the type of drunken debauchery that you just couldn’t find in America, even if he was a child of wealth and privilege. That sumbitch, high hatted father of his would go off on another rant about Junior being a god damned disgrace and a drunken embarrassment that would ruin his nascent political career. The booze and cooze were both cheap and plentiful and daddy’s spies weren’t everywhere like they were in Big H. Junior liked getting his groove on south of the border and took off whenever time allowed. He headed to Mexico for the type of cheap, kinky and degenerate sex with underage girls that the old man just wouldn’t think was cool if he were to stay around the homestead. His dick would practically point the way as he would make the run for the border…and he wasn’t going for any fucking enchirito…no sir, he was going for the all you can eat hair-taco buffet. The entertainment was boss as well, the strippers performed live lesbian sex acts on stage with dildos and the works and for a few pesos they would give him the private show back at the hacienda. Junior also really dug the fabled donkey show…and it was just fucking amazing how big it’s dick was.

“YEEEEE-FUCKING-HAAAAAAWWW!” roared Junior as he knocked back another belt of Wild Turkey draining the pint bottle and hurling it into the back seat which elicited a sick thud, he slammed his fist down on the ‘stang’s dashboard, “FUCKIN’ PARTY”.... There was a groan and then a pudgy, bespectacled figure clambered over the passenger seat, rolled down the window and stuck his head out, making violent retching noises”

“Jesus Christ Turdy….ya jist can’t take it with the big guys kin ya?”

‘Turdy’ was Junior’s sidekick, inseparable was he from the young scion’s side.

Little did Junior know, but Turdy had serious longings for him, he wanted nothing more than to saddle up on the baloney pony but he dared not to ever reveal the fact that he was a closeted homosexual which was a big NO-NO in those days, especially in the Lone Star state where they still dragged such folks down the street on a rope tied to the tailgates of their pickups.

The controversial Academy Award winning movie Midnight Cowboy left a lasting imprint on Turdy’s psyche, he had become so uncontrollably horny during the scene where a young Bob Balaban blew Jon Voight’s Joe Buck in a Times Square movie theater that he actually walked out, he was not alone as moviegoers in 1969 Ft. Worth, TX were shocked and horrified at the film’s lurid content, most of them diehard Baptists unbelieving at the incomprehensible sins being splayed out in 70 mm on the screen in front of them. In abandoning his seat during one of the first graphically displayed man on man sexual encounters committed to film he was not alone, what did however separate him was that instead of braying hellfire and brimstone at the poor concession stand clerks, ushers or anybody who would listen he ran to his pale blue VW bug, locked the doors and jerked off to the beat of a Jerry Lee Lewis song on the radio.

“Here, take a hit of this shit…it’ll make ya feel better” said Junior as he fished a doobie out of the Marlboro package that was sitting on the dash and punched in the lighter.

Junior stuck out like a turd in a punchbowl with his prim and proper transplanted eastern elitist family.

Junior swung the mustang into the circular driveway, narrowly missing the backside of his mother’s Cadillac.

Mommy was sitting on the plush sofa, jabbering on the telephone and chain smoking Kools, a half full green glass ashtray rested on the end table.

Daddy was furious as Junior stumbled through the door reeking of stale booze, illicit sex, reefer and the pungent stench of moral rot

“I can’t possibly express how disappointed that I am in you, you are on the wrong road through life son”

“This is the last fucking time that I am bailing your ass out……do you know what an abortion can do to my political career?”

“Fuck You!” , screamed Junior….”let’s get it on right now old man!”

“Who in the fuck do you think that you are? The president? …you’re an asshole” shouted Junior.


Junior then wound up and took a big roundhouse swing at his father who due to his tennis playing was far more agile than the clumsy and inebriated son. Daddy stepped to the side and Junior continued to flail like a pinwheel until he smacked into a chair, bounced off and then went crashing into the china cabinet, shattering hundred year old family heirlooms and making a noise so horrific that it downed out his mother’s horrified scream of “FUCK”!!.

Junior went down hard at his poppy’s feet.

Junior grunted and looked up at his father, his eyes glowering with Oedipal hate, then he groaned, rolled over and vomited on the floor.

Daddy just shook his head and thought if it weren’t for me this boy will forever be a fuckup.

Bush Preaches to the Choir

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.



-H. L. Mencken

I happened to catch the raw spectacle of George W. Bush’s stump speech during his last minute barnstorming tour to shore up support in the red states and it was an incredible thing indeed. This particular stop was in Perry, Georgia which can’t be far from the locale depicted in the movie Deliverance and was absolutely stunning in its completely over the top (even by Rovian standards) level of stridency in attacking Democrats by doing everything but accusing them of assisting the ‘terrorists’ in the coordinated killing of babies in the streets of America. Appropriately it was given on Halloween and Bush and his propagandists took fear mongering to a new level by all but denouncing Americans as traitors and spreading dread amongst the meticulously selected audience of shit kickers assembled at the George State Fairgrounds as though it were manure.

I haven’t seen or heard demagoguery on such a level since the last time that I watched ‘Triumph of the Will’ and the glazed look on the faces of the zombies in the audience was eerily similar to the normal looking Germans in what is widely hailed as the greatest propaganda film of all time. Bush’s speech writers and image masters are now outdoing themselves and are starting to make Leni Riefenstahl and Paul Joseph Goebbels look like rank amateurs by comparison.

I knew that the already tenuous mental state of Le Enfant Terrible was deteriorating daily but this was some radical stuff even for me and signs of a rapid escalation for sneaky and conniving cornered rats like Rove and Junior is not a good sign, I just have this feeling that it is going to be scorched Earth from this point onward. Colonel Kurtz has reached the end of the river and gone totally fucking insane, I mean God help us if the DLC manages to fuck up the election on Tuesday because this lunatic is demented enough to engage in some serious shit and has already proven that he regards the law as something that he can spit on whenever he damned well pleases. I can envision the nightmarish scene of the White House lawn turned into a hideous sort of tableau reminiscent of the jungle compound of Kurtz when the PBR Erebus arrived to find the heads of recently killed enemies lining the banks of the Mekong, mutilated bodies hanging from the trees and the stench of depravity and pure unadulterated evil lingering in the air.

I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be on the Bush-Cheney-Rove Axis of Evil’s official enemies list on Wednesday morning if America awakens to a still standing and pissed off one party Republican fascist government and a demented despot determined to exact revenge on his tormentors. If your name happens to be Rahm 'ass-eyes' Emanuel and your strategy of under funding progressive candidates in favor of funneling cash to DLC approved corporate whores and warmongers the GOP may be the least of your worries because every tuned in American who is counting on your ‘leadership’ to halt the Bushist juggernaut is going to want to have your scrawny ass drawn and quartered for fucking up the opportunity of a lifetime due to your own sleazy ambitions and the vainglorious arrogance having to have all suitors line up to come and kiss your ring prior to being granted a seat at the table.

As with all officially sanctioned PR stops and the stage show events in which Bush appears access was strictly controlled and only the worst of the worst of dead enders and die hards were allowed in the doors to begin with. It is tragic that the majority of Americans never get to hear these rambling, demagogic diatribes or they would likely be shaken from their apathetic slumbers and justifiably horrified that a man who is by all signs a certifiably insane megalomaniac ccupies the most powerful position in the entire world and is in possession of the nuclear launch codes.

Here are a few pieces of the Perry, GA stemwinder:

Now I want you to -- when you're out rounding up the vote, and people say, well, there's no difference between them, or they're saying, well, maybe I feel comfortable with the Washington Democrats, I want you to remind them about these three votes we just recently had. There's a clear pattern. When it came time to renew the Patriot Act, more than 75 percent of the members -- Democrat members in the House of Representatives voted, no.

When it came time -- when it came time to vote on whether to allow the CIA to continue its program to detain and question captured terrorists, almost 80 percent of the House Democrats voted against it.

And when it came time to vote on whether the National Security Agency should continue to monitor terrorist communications, almost 90 percent of the House Democrats voted against it.

On all these vital measures, measures necessary to protect you, the Democrats in Washington follow a simple philosophy: Just say no. When it comes to listening in on the terrorists, what's the Democrats' answer? Just say no. When it comes to detaining terrorists, what's the Democrats' answer? (The crowd then roared “JUST SAY NO” in unison)

In this global war against extremists who use murder as a weapon, Iraq is now the central front. Oh, I've heard all of the voices in Washington, D.C. They say -- a lot of them say, it's just a distraction in the war on terror. That's not a part of the war on terror, people in Washington -- Democrats say. Well, all I ask if you're undecided about this important issue is just listen to the words of Osama bin Laden, or Mr. Zawahiri, the number two of al Qaeda. Osama bin Laden calls this fight the third world war. He has said that victory for the terrorists in Iraq will mean America's defeat and disgrace forever. It's important to listen to the words of the enemy if you're in war.

Now I want you to listen to the words of a senior Democrat in the House of Representatives. The reason I bring this up is I want you to understand there is a different mind set in Washington. She said, the President says that fighting them there in Iraq means it's less likely we will have to fight them here. I did say that, and I strongly believe it. The opposite is true, she went on to say, because we are fighting them there, it may become more likely we will have to fight them here.

Iraq is a central front in the war on terror, but the only thing they want to do is leave before the job is done. I want you to hear some of the voices of leading Democrats. They say we should pull our troops off the battlefield right away. My opponent in 2004 said there should be a fixed date for withdrawal. Others suggest that we ought to move our troops some 5,000 miles away to an island. Nineteen House Democrats introduced legislation that would cut off all the funds for the troops in Iraq.

However they put it, the Democrat approach comes down to this: The terrorists win and America loses. And that's what's at stake in this election. The Democrats want to get us out of Iraq, and the Republican goal is to win in Iraq. I'm not saying these good folks are unpatriotic. I'm just saying they're wrong. You can't win a war if you're not willing to fight it.

I want you to go home and think about what retreat from Iraq would mean before the job is done; it would embolden the enemy. It would enable them to ridicule countries like the United States to folks who are wondering where the balance of power will lay in the world. It will embolden the extremists and radicals. It will enable them to gain a new safe haven from which to launch further attacks on the United States. It would strengthen the hand of the extremists and deny hope to millions and millions of people who simply want to live a peaceful life. It would dishonor the sacrifice of the men and women who have worn our uniform.

I see the impending danger. I will use all assets at my disposal to do the most important job of the government, and that is defend you. We will fight in Iraq, and we will win in Iraq. (Applause.) Oh, I know there are Democrats and independents in a great state like Georgia who do not share the views of the Democrat leadership in Washington. You may not agree with Republicans on every issue, but you should also realize what voting Democrat in this election would mean for the war on terror.

When you vote next Tuesday, your vote will determine more than who is your local congressman. It will also determine which party's leadership will set the agenda on Capitol Hill. A vote to send a Democrat to Congress is a vote for the liberal Democrat leadership in Washington, D.C. A vote to send a Democrat to Congress is a vote to make the Senate Majority Leader a man who bragged about killing the Patriot Act. A vote to send a Democrat to Congress is a vote to make the chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee a man who said the world would be better off if Saddam Hussein were still in power.

A vote to send a Democrat to Washington is a vote to make the chairman of the House of Ways and Means Committee a man who has suggested cutting off funds for our troops on the battlefield.

A vote to send a Democrat to Congress is a vote to make the Speaker of the House -- the third person in line for the presidency -- a woman who said that capturing Osama bin Laden would not make America any safer.

That’s about all that I can stomach so go to the official White House website if you want to read the rest (and have the NSA do a courtesy scan of your computer) and of course the sweaty crowd cheered and roared for liberal blood with each invocation of 9/11 and each inference that the Democrats were the enemy.

It is because of idiots like those sweating and dementedly cheering Bush in Perry that the entire south gets lumped in with the worst of the bigots and crazed rabble rousers like the dyed in the wool rabble rousing berserker Zell Miller and any number of high potency fundamentalist preachers who unfortunately happen to be the most vocal and influential spokesmen for morally repugnant Republican party which is always looking for regressive, knuckle dragging, cross burning, bible thumping angry freaks and all normal southerners need not apply. I really feel for the people who are forced to live amongst these hostile morons who have never gotten over the fact that they lost the Civil War or that they were forced by the government to recognize the rights of blacks and women.

James Webb who is running against the silver spoon country club racist George Felix Allen for Virginia’s Senate seat was featured in a recent piece in The New Yorker where he as a southerner offered up some valuable insight which I will take a few passages from it here:

Webb also believes from experience that the Republican hold on the South is not unshakable. His own political remigration began when he was working on “Born Fighting” and realized that his culture’s natural home is the party of Andrew Jackson. His people don’t hate the government; they hate governmental intrusion. It is the government’s job to build dams and highways, not the perfect society.

“It’s a bottom-up culture that has been manipulated,” he told me one day. “Really, that’s one of the big reasons that I decided to go ahead and do this-—test the theory, because I believe it.”

This is, of course, a thought that has occurred to other Democrats. It’s what Howard Dean was trying to get at in 2003, while campaigning for the Presidency, when he said, in a characteristic display of unfortunate phrasing, “I still want to be the candidate for guys with Confederate flags in their pickup trucks.” Dean’s point (and Webb’s) is that Democrats cannot succeed in the South until the Party broadens its tent, becoming less insistent on such matters of current Party orthodoxy as abortion, gun control, and gay marriage. “You know, it’s been a hard thing to get through the heads of many Democrats,” Webb says. “They have to rethink a piece of something that’s become fundamental to them, which has hurt them in ways they don’t understand.”

Webb’s campaign adviser David (Mud-cat) Saunders recalls a revealing exchange he had last spring at a retreat for Democratic senators in Philadelphia. “I had a very prominent U.S. senator come up to me and say, ‘Mudcat, why are your people so stupid that they would vote against their own economic self-interest?’ And I replied, ‘Listen, we do vote against our own economic self-interest. We do that. But you say it’s stupid. Do you ever consider that there might be a powerful force at work, and that it’s driving these people to vote against their economic self-interest? I’m telling you, it’s there. It’s called culture.’ ”

Webb’s point should be well taken, because the perception that the south is mocked as a whole by all liberals has allowed the Republicans to create a bastion of infallible support by showing up as wolves in the clothing of sheep bearing gifts of bigotry, false religion and an opportunity to essentially re-fight the Civil War through the divisiveness that is the Culture War and this only throws gasoline on the fire and creates a self fulfilling prophecy. We all need to find a way to marginalize the worst elements and work together on the economic issues that are destroying ALL of America.

I myself am admittedly guilty of taking more than my fair share of shots at the red state denizens who happen to be card carrying members of the KKK wing of the GOP while failing to acknowledge differentiate between the many good people south of the Mason-Dixon Line who abhor what the Neanderthals have done to their image to the rest of the civilized world. I have friends in the south, have lived a good many of my years in the south and there are many who are proud of their heritage, we should not disrespect them as a whole but rather seek out their help in exorcising the demons amongst them. Conversely I hold those red staters who insist on goose stepping adherence to the bellicose party line in the utmost of contempt especially those who are responsible for giving this country the stinking, rotten, debased Bush administration as some sort of revenge on liberal society and if they are offended then I only have two words for those ignorant and bigoted yahoos: fuck y’all!

I would like to implore every southerner who is appalled at the Republican party, the white supremacists and the snake handling preachers of the gospel of Armageddon and the military industrial complex to get out there on Tuesday and vote Democrat even if you feel that you must hold your noses to do so. Granted there are many problems with that particular party that need to be ironed out but at least they are reasonable enough to engage in debate and some sort of discourse rather than the anti-Enlightenment tyrants who know control the entire country, demand lockstep unity, have no tolerance for dissent and are dismantling the constitution bit by bit. The constitution incidentally protects the rights of southerners too or it used to before it was gutted by the Bush-Cheney-Rove Axis of Evil.

If you can’t bring yourself to vote for Democrats, libertarians, greens or even a write in candidate instead of a dangerous and deceitful Republican party that has lied to you about matters of importance as God and country as well as exported the industrial capacity of America and our shared economic prosperity along with them for the sole reason of greed then just stay at home….please just stay at home on Tuesday.

And by the way, George W. Bush and his ilk are playing y’all as suckers, he is just another phony dude rancher like George Felix Allen. Bush is a yankee from an eastern elitist family who was born in Connecticut and educated at Andover and Yale. What could be a bigger insult to the intelligence of southerners than a stupendous fraud like he passing himself off to you as some plain spoken populist man of the people and Earthly executor of God’s orders?

As they sometimes say in the south - that dog just don’t hunt!